Repressed Memories
by 7Seven7
Summary: Casey lets a secret slip, and Olivia wants the truth to come out. But what if the truth causes more harm than good? i'm trying to include as much of the cast as possible. C/O friends ship, C/Lake marrige. M/F. maybe others eventually.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note**___ hey guys! Ok so I randomly had this idea. I'm pre warning you of adult themes. This deals with sexual assault, but if I say anything more than that would be a MAJOR SPOILER! But this story doesn't really go into graphic detail, so T should be fine. Enjoy!

_**Disclaimer**___ I don't own any of the following ,material. The characters are a copyright of NBC/ Dick Wolf. The plot's all mine though

_**Pairings**_~ Casey/Lake are married. Casey/Olivia strong friendship. Fin/ Melinda are dating.

"Docket ending 24069 people versus Mark Grunewald. One count kidnapping in the first degree one count rape in the first degree." The court clerk announced.

"Mr. Grunewald how do you plead?" judge Petrovsky asked. Standing, mark replied,

"not guilty your honor"

"Ms. Novak where do the people stand on bail"

"the people request remand your honor"

"Your honor that is quite excessive" Trevor Langden said

"the defendant has family in unextraditable areas. He's a flight risk"

"My client has ties to the community. He is a surgeon and his daughter's girl scout troup leader. He has a wife and daughter. He's not going anywhere."

"he's a surgeon at a children's hospital. He raped an eleven year old girl! I hardly find it appropriate for him to be staying with a nine year old girl."

"I didn't touch that girl! And I would NEVER touch my Sadie!" Mark yelled.

"Mr. langden , control your client. As for bail, how's half a million cash only sound miss Novak?" the judge asked.

"the people would like to then request an order of protection for Sarah and Sadie Grunewald."

"very well. Bail is set at $500,000 cash only. Should the defendant make bail he is to stay at least 100 feet from his wife's house and work and his daughter's school and refrain from making contact with them. Court adjourned"

Mark turned immediately to face trevor. "I didn't touch her! Why cant I see my Sadie?"he asked with pleading eyes. The two continued their discussion for a ,moment before the bailiffs escorted him out. Trevor caught up with Casey.

"hey case, got a minute?"

"Why?"

"common case you know he's innocent"

"an eleven year old was able to make a positive ID. She was found in his car."

"which was reported stolen two days earlier"

"what do you want trevor?"

"a deal,"

"what's he got to offer"

"The innocence of that little girl. You really want to drag her through a trial?"

"what are you offering."

"no time. 1,000 hours of community service. Parole officer will keep in touch with him for the next year."

"when pigs are flyin' through the snow in hell, I'll agree to that" Casey said, walking away on the courthouse steps.

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"I'm Home" Casey announced walking through the doors of her apartment. She was greeted by a cascade of 'mommy!' 's

"hey guys!" she said hugging her kids. She kissed her 6 year old daughter, Margret, on the head and ruffle her 9 year old son, max, 's hair. "where's Amy?"

"Sophie drew on the wall so she's trying to get it off" max answered.

"Sophia Olivia Lake!" Casey called in a firm tone. After a few seconds, a three year old red head appeared from around the corner. Her dark red curls bounced as she ran. He green eyes lit up when he saw her mother was home.

"Hi mommy!" she said.

"Sophie, did you write on the wall?"

"yes." She replies, looking down at her feet.

"time out chair. Five minutes. Go." The three year old sat in the dining room chair that faced the wall in the corner and sat there quietly as Casey went to find Amy.

"hey ame!" Casey said

"hey case."amy replied.

"you can go I'll finish that"she said as the 14 year old scrubbed crayon off the wall. Amy was the kid's babysitter after school, until either Casey or Chester got home. She was responsible and lived only 2 floors down. She let herself out and Casey went to sophie.

"you're on parole. Your community service is scrubbing the rest of the crayon of the wall." Casey often used legal terms to joke with her kids. Sophie ran off to do that while Casey turned to Max, who was seated at the kitchen table completing homework.

"Mom, when's dad comin' home?"

'he said around 6 ish, he just has some paper work to finish."

"OK"

"why? "

"well, we're doing a thing at school for the education fair. This year's theme is heros. My class has to bring in someone who's a hero to them or the community. At lunch, My teacher was askin' what people's parents did and I told her about how dad 'rests the perps and you put'm in jail."

"Perps? Someones around his father too much" Casey said with a wink.

Max laughed. ":anyway, she wanted to see if BOTH of you could come in."

"when?"

"Tuesday at noon"

"hmm, we might be able to. If I get stuck in court or your father gets a case than we won't be able to, but if he can't he'll try to send Uncle Finny , Uncle Munch, Uncle El, or Aunt Livvie."

'ok. Thanks"

"I'll try really hard to be there though, ok?"

"alright"

Just then the door opened.

"I'm Home!" chester yelled

"early' Casey said with a smile.

He laughed as his three kids crowded around him and showered him with hugs and kisses. After some days at special victims, he really needed that.

Once the kids had completed brief dtories about the day's travels, they ran off to their previous activities , leaving husband and wife alone.

"hey baby" Casey said, engaging her husband in a passionate kiss.

"whoa. Save some for tonight" he said with a wink. Casey laughed. And gave her husband of 9 years a hug.

"I'm making ziti and garlic bread for dinner" Casey said Chester, knowing it was one of his favorites. 45 minutes later, the family was seated for dinner.

"soph, you wanna say grace?" Casey offered.

"Sure Mommy" Sophie said with an excited smile. "Dear God, thank you for the food and the, um, water and the table and … the table cloth! And the chairs and mommy and daddy and thank you that no bad guys hurted them today cuz that'd be bad. Amen"

Casey sent a worried glance to lake from across the table. He nodded, silently agreeing to talk about it later.

The family ate their dinner and talked about their days. Max had learned a new move in basketball, Maggie had finally been able to conquer the infamous double-dutch, and Sophia had built a block castle that was as tall as she is with a boy from her preschool class. After dinner, Sophia washed off the table, while Casey put away leftovers, Max rinsed off the dishes, and Maggie put them into the dishwasher. Lake was busy vacuuming the floor. After all the chores were done, lake laid on the sofa with Sophia laying down on his stomach. Max and Maggie where on the floor in front of them while Casey folded laundry. They were watching an episode of 'The Simpson's ' .

"alright So, it's bedtime." Casey announced.

"Okay" Sophie said, so tired she didn't even bother putting up a fight.

By 9:30, all three kids were in bed. Casey and lake climbed into bed and made love quietly, as to not wake the children. This was their nightly routine.

Ok guys, how'd you like it? Shall I go on? I have a really good plot in mind, so I hope you liked this thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note**___ hey guys! Ok so I promise to all you F/M fans that they do come in later in the story. By the way, the page break thing I used to show a time jump (of like 4 hours) was a bunny, but it didn't upload right anyway, chapter 2 oh, and by the way, I do like 7up;) and I don't tend to want to right smut, I just put that thing about them 'making love' in there to set the tone, so to speak. I needed readers to know her daily routine before any drama happened

_**Disclaimer**___ I don't own any of the following material. The characters are a copyright of NBC/ Dick Wolf. The plot's all mine though

_**Pairings**_~ Casey/Lake are married. Casey/Olivia strong friendship. Fin/ Melinda are dating

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"Mr. Grunewald, where were you on the morning of October 19th?" Casey asked as she gently paced the courtroom floor.

"at home." He replied, getting really sick of these same old questions.

"Doing?"

"Cleaning."

"Can anyone attest to that?"

"No, I was alone."

"So, from 5 am when your wife and daughter left to go to visit family upstate until 7pm that night when they returned home, no one can give your whereabouts?"

"No."

"do you recognize this girl?" Casey asked, holding up a picture of the 11 year old victim.

"Yes."

"from?"

"that's Alana Martinez. You think I hurt her."

"Did you know her before the trial?"

"Yes. She was in my Sadie's girl scout troup."

"is it true that you were aware that Alana would be home alone all day on the nineteenth? "

"yes. Her parents told me. We went over safty when home alone at the girl scout meeting the previous Tuesday for her. "

"and you knew where she lived?"

"yes."

"So, Mr. Grunewald, don't you think that these facts would lead us to believe that you where the one who kidnapped and raped Alana?"

Mark had had enough. He was sick of people treating him like some sick bastard. He wanted people to accept him in society again. He missed his family; his little girl. He wanted his life back. The life this novak bitch had stolen from him. Lies. It was all lies. Everything she and Alana were saying. Granted, someone had hurt Alana pretty badly. But he didn't want people to think it was him. He was so mad. He stood up and got in Casey's face.

"I DIDN'T TOUCH HER! STOP LYING YOU BITCH! IT WASN'T FRIGGING ME!" he yelled, followed by a hard punch to the side of the face.

"Court officers! Remove the defendant!" the judge ordered. Before they could react, he had jumped out of the witness box and was banging caseys head against the floor while yelling

"I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU'RE LYING!"

She fought back-got in a couple good blows too. Once the court officers had pulled him off of her, he had a forming black eye, a sore groin, and a fractured rib. He even ended up needing three stitches above his left eye! Casey was unconscious from several blows to the head and was rushed to the hospital.

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"family of Casey Lake?" Casey's name was legally Lake, but still Novak at work, since she didn't feel like filling out the bar's paperwork for a title change.

"yes?" Olivia said. She was here for Casey, since she was he best friend. Chester was in New Jersey when Olivia called him and was stuck in traffic on his way over here, it was just Liv there.

"she's got a minor concussion. I'm more concerned with her dental. See here, how the base of her tooth is cracked?" He asked showing her an X-ray. She nodded. "we need to fix that or it'll cause some major pain. She's being sent to the dentist's office down the street."

"Thank you"

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Casey was doped up on laughing gas after her dental procedure. Olivia was sitting in a waiting room chair when Casey woke up.

"hey case. How ya feelin' ?"

"Hi sexy." Olivia rolled her eyes. The dentist warned her Casey would be lucid. But Casey did not have a high tolerance for things like laughing gas or beer.

"So how are you feelin? You got hit pretty hard. You probably don't remember, do you? " Olivia asked.

Casey shrugged. "Nope. But I feel fiiiiyyynnnaaaa." Casey said, having fun with the pronunciation of the word. "besides, I've been hurt . whatever happened in court was nothing compared to uncle Nick." Casey slurred.

"Who?"

" I had this uncle. Nick. He lived in Vermont. OD-ed last year. We used to see him likie 4 times a year. He'd always volunteer to watch the kids and let the rest of the adults go out after hours. He'd sent the boys and older girls off to bed, which basically left me and Kelly."

"Who's Kelly?"

"haha, you talk funny"

"Casey, who's Kelly"

"You're Kelly" she said giggling.

"Casey…"

"Kelly was a baby at the time. He used to rape me in the basement once everyone else was in bed. Hey, you know what a funny word is? Potato. HA! Potato…"

Olivia was shocked. She was pretty sure this was a really story, just the gas was helping her tell it. Lord knows she probably never would have.

"C-Casey?"

"ya?"

"how old were you?"

"ummmmmmmmmmm, from when I was six to when I was 12. Then he stopped. Olivia, w-why do you, do you have sooo mucchhhh, umm, what?" Casey said, tripping over her own words. Olivia's head was spinning. She decided to talk more about this when Casey was back to normal. Intil then, she was left with many questions.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note**___ hey guys! Ok so I had a snow day so I figured I'd write some more to answer some reviews, ya this is pretty A/U so basically the whole episode 'Cold' never happened. And after I uploaded the document I read it over and I was like crap that's not what lucid means haha

_**Disclaimer**___ I don't own any of the following material. The characters are a copyright of NBC/ Dick Wolf. The plot's all mine though

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Casey was in her hospital room at Mercy General Hospital. Her doctors had wanted to keep her overnight just to observe her and make sure she didn't have any serious brain damage. Olivia walked down the corridor looking for room 311. _309, 310, ahh, here she is, 311._ Olivia though as she stood awkwardly in the doorway watching Casey interact with her kids.

"and then what happened?" Casey asked in a very happy, curious voice.

"then, the fishy ate-ed the food!" Sophia exclaimed

"Alright guys, it's getting kinda late, why don't we head home and see mommy in the morning?" Chester Lake suggested.

The children hugged Casey goodnight and lake gave her a passionate kiss and whispered an 'I love you' into her ear before they left. They spotted Olivia in the doorway as they left.

"Hey Liv" lake said with a smile.

"hilo auntie Livvia" Sophia said with a huge smile." Did you see their fish tank? Its on da forst floor. It huge mongous! Theres blue fishys and red fishies and poyple fishies… and I got to see the lady feed them!"

"That sounds pretty cool!" Olivia said with a smile.

"IT was!"

"night Livvi" Maggie said to her godmother.

"bye livs" Max said.

Olivia turned to watch the family leave as Sophia continued on about the wonders of fish tanks. Olivia gave Casey a sweet smile. "Hey hun, how you feelin?"

"Fine" Casey replied with a smile.

"How's your jaw feel?" Olivia asked, wanting to ease into the subject on her mind.

"you'd be surprised how well orajel works" Casey said with a smile. (but really, have you ever used that stuff? Its amazing!)

"ha, ya and it's probably better for you than laughing gas" Olivia said, stressing the word you.

"ah, my body has no tolerance for that stuff. I don't even remember what happened while I was on it."

"Nothing?"

"what?" Casey asked confused

"You don't remember anything? Anything you said while you were on laughing gas?"

"N-no. Why?"

"um, well, you sorta told me something that I thought we should, you know, talk about."

Casey looked at her confused. "what did I say?"

Olivia took a deep breath and let it out before speaking. "you told me something about when you were a kid. Case, do you remember an Uncle Nick?"

Casey's face dropped at his name's mentioning. "Olivia, what exactly did I say to you?"

"case, we need to-"

"OLIVIA! What _exactly_ did I say to you?" Casey shouted, cutting Olivia off.

"Casey, I think you know what you told me."

"Leave."

"what?"

Casey let a stray tear fall down her cheek. "just, please Olivia. Please get out" she pleaded.

Olivia nodded. But she wasn't just gunna let this go. She'd talk more later. Let Casey think.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note**___ hey guys! Ok so I had to make chap 3 short since I felt it was enough of an idea to be it's own chapter. But here's chapter 4, same day, cuz im cool like that;) also, I decided that I should just change the story's rating, even though this is basically the only M chapter, but whatever.

_**Disclaimer**___ I don't own any of the following material. The characters are a copyright of NBC/ Dick Wolf. The plot's all mine though

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Casey had been release from the hospital the next day. Her MRI showed that her brain was find. She stayed home that day and rested, but was back to work the next. She was trying to push Olivia out of her mind. But she NEEDED to know how much she'd tolde her. She would bend the truth to make it look like her childhood abuse was no more than an annoying uncle who picked playfully on the kids. No reason for anything else to be known. Ever.

Casey was in her office doing paper work when there was a knock at her door. "come in" she said, loud enough for the knocker to hear. She was annoyed to see Olivia in her doorway._ Please_ she though_ just drop it. Why do you have to be such a damn cop?_

"hey liv" she said, acting engrossed in her paper work, hoping Olivia would leave.

"case, we need to talk. I'm not putting this off any longer."

"Olivia-"

"you told me that your uncle would babysit the kids, make them all go to bed, and rape you in the basement until you were 12." Olivia said, looking right into Casey's eyes, which were beginning to water. "listen Casey, I'm your best friend and I love you like a twin sister. Besides Elliot, you're my other half (I decided on some E/O. Like?) . there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I trust you completely. I hope you can trust me. Please Case, talk to me"

"Olivia, there's nothing to say. He's dead now. He Overdosed last year. There's no reason to bring this up."

"please case, you need to talk about this. It'll help you."

"NO it wont!"

"YES it will!"

"Olivia-"

"Casey, please. Its for your own good."

"please Olivia. You don't know how hard I've tried to forget! Every time I though of it, I used to pinch myself. Every night I had a nightmare, I'd drink a ton of coffee so I couldn't sleep. I would punish my body, deprive it of sleep and hope it would respond by erasing the memories! It never did, I just got pretty good at repressing them…" Casey blurted out, her mind trailing off. "I was six years old the first time it happened. All the family adults had gone out. They said they'd be home around 2am. So uncle n-nick was w-watching us kids." Casey said tearing up. She stopped, took a breath, and continued. "he sent the older kids to bed early, said that they were gunna all wake up real early in the morning to pull a prank on the adults. They loved that idea. They were in bed by 8:45. By older kids I mean ages 12-15. The middle kids who were 7-11 went to bed around that time too. He told me to take out the trash, so I did. When I came back, everyone was asleep on their assigned air mattresses in their assigned rooms. The 3 other kids who were under 7 were boys. They were asleep to. Baby Kelly was, at the time, the only one younger than me. She was almost always asleep anyway. I went to go to bed, but he grabbed my arm. Hard. I told him he was hurting me. He said I hadn't even begun to feel what hurt was. He told me to 'get my ass down to the basement' so I did. He, he… I was six years old!" Casey cried, breaking down in olivia's arms. "what kind of person does that? She asked.

"I don't know honey. Some people are just, horrible."

"he had a couple of couch cushions set up. He made me get undressed and lay on the couch cusions. He grabbed a hunting rifle off of a gun rack next to him. He said that if I didn't do exactly what he said, he'd 'treat me like he treated that bear's head plaque in the living room'. He raped me. Then he- he got up and told me to stay put. He left and came back with a sandwich. When he finished he raped me again. When he was done he went upstairs to make sure everyone was asleep. He came back and… he did it again. It hurt so bad. He hit me after that. A lot. It hurt really bad, but I never got any bruises, so I figured I was just being baby.

"case, he was a cop. He knew where to hit you so I'd hurt like hell, but never leave a mark.

"I know that now. He told me that if I told anyone what had happened, they wouldn't believe me because he was a state trooper. They'd say I was crazy and send me to jail for being crazy. Then he sent be to bed. He said 'goodnight cassie. I love you.' He doesn't know what love is. And he knew I hated that name. he'd call me cassie after every rape. It only made me hate the name even more. "

Olivia hugged Casey tightly for a moment.

"when I was eleven. He pulled out a video camera. I told him that once he turned that on, I was gunna tell everyone what he did to me. I told him I'd been watching crime shows. That the video would be great evidence. That I wouldn't go to jail for being crazy, since I wasn't. he told me that everyone would say it was my fault for waiting so long to tell. They'd think I was lying since it'd waited so long. They'd think I was sick to lie about such a thing. And I believed him. Again. When I was around twelve I reached puberty. He came over one weekend. He did his usual routine. Once I was undresses, he could see that, since he'd last seen me, I now had more of a woman's body than a child's. he seemed- disgusted. He called me a whore, slut, bitch, bastard, ugly, unloved, useless- basically everything he could come up with to try and ruin me. He beat me really bad that time, since he wasn't gonna rape me. He was sloppy though. He broke my arm, and I had bruises everywhere. He called 911 after. Told them I'd fallen down a flight of stairs. They didn't even bother to do a full exam. Then they would've known what he did. They just wrapped up my arm and sent me on my way. Everyone joked that I was a clutz from then on. Needless to say, I wanted to cry whenever my 'accident' was mentioned again. "

"case, after you, did he- do you think he ever hurt kelly?"

"No. He'd look at her funny. He saw me watching him watching her go swimming once. He told me not to worry. Said she wasn't my type. He said he loved red heads.

His visits were less often after that. By the time I was 13, he stopped coming down all together. He sent us a Christmas card one year, though. Him and his red headed wife. She had some disease where she looked about 14. He sent me a letter once. Said that he called her cassie in bed, and she liked it. Said he missed the old me, but he would settle for her. She died of cancer, 3 months before he OD-ed. Only you know"

Olive held Casey I her arms for half an hour as Casey cried. "shhhh. Its ok case, its ok. He cant hurt you anymore case. Its ok"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note**___ hey guys! Do you think T is an ok rating for this? Just making sure better safe than sorry! You can thank **kiss the girl54 **for this update, since she updated her fanfic I updated mine;)

By the way, this chapter is dedicated to the fighting Drunk Driving. I have an aunt who died in a drunk driving accident (she was hit, she wasn't the drunk one). She was an amazing, beautiful, crazy smart person who is very missed and loved. She died before I was even born, but I was thinking of her the other day. So please, if you go out make sure there's a designated driver, or if you're hosting a party, make sure everyone has a safe ride home.

_**Disclaimer**___ I don't own any of the following material. The characters are a copyright of NBC/ Dick Wolf. The plot's all mine though

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Today was Casey's day off. She had a list of chores she'd wanted to do while the kids were at school and Sophie was at day care, but she couldn't seem to get out of bed (though she hadn't slept at all last night, or any of the past four nights). She couldn't get the memories out of her head. When repressed memories come back, they sure as hell don't want to be repressed again.

By 2:00 pm she was blow drying her hair from her 3rd shower of the day. Before she knew it, her kids were already home. She was still in her miserable funk. She called Amy to see if she could watch the kids while Casey went out. Once the girl arrived at the lake's three bedroom apartment, Casey left, not sure of where she was going. He navy blue minivan ended up at the 1-6 precinct.

"hey Casey" Olivia said with a sweet smile as she saw the ADA walk in. "I thought you had today off?"

"um, ya I do. Can I talk to you?"

"sure"

The two ladies walked down the hall into an empty interrogation room and sat down.

"what's on your mind?" Olivia asked.

"what do you think?" Casey asked. A little more harshly than intended .

"Casey, I'm sorry, but it's not good for you to pretend things didn't happen"

"Olivia, don't tell me whats good for me!"

"Casey-"

"No Olivia! You clearly don't know what's good for me! You told me it was a mistake to marry a cop. You said lake was a good guy but he'd never be there for me! He's there more than _you_ are!* When max's ultrasound showed that he'd be rain damaged you said it might be best to have an abortion! But I didn't listen to you, And now I have a nine year old NOT brain damaged son**. And now your saying that I should talk about this. Why? All it's done is ruin me. I feel filthy. I feel like it was all my fault. I feel guilty, and selfish, and stupid. Worst of all, I feel _him_. I can feel him on me. Everything he did to me. I hate myself. I've been distant. I can't focus on my work. I can't even keep up a conversation with my kids. And you know what happened last night? Chester climbed into bed, and he put his arms around me and I started crying. On Wednesday night I had a nightmare and screamed so loud max woke up. He thought someone broke in or something. But your right, Liv, I needed to talk about it. Because you always know whats best for me!" Casey yelled as she ran out of the precinct.

"Casey?"said as he looked up from his paperwork to see his crying wife running out of the precinct on her day off.

"Casey?" he yelled, running over to her as she was almost to the hall.

"Case" he said grabbing her arm "what's wrong?"

She flinched at his touch. "don't-!" she yelled whipping her head around. Now everyone was staring at them. "-touch me" she said quieter than before, realizing it was he husband. "CJ***, I'm sorry, I just- I can't" Casey said crying as she ran out of the precinct.

Chester turned around and looked at Olivia, who'd left the interrogation room with Casey. "what happened?" he asked worriedly.

"she just, has a lot to deal with"

"olicvia, talk to me, please. She wont, and she's been acting really weird since she left the hospital"

"I cant. It's not my place to. Just, give her some space and some time, she'll come to you when she's ready."

Chester thought about the way Casey flinched at his touch. "Olivia, did she- did somebody hurt her?"

Olivia didn't reply.

"Olivia! Did someone hurt my Casey?"

"Chester, it's not my secret to tell. You need to wait until she's ready to come to you."

"like hell I am! Olivia, if someone's hurting her-"

"no one's hurting her"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT?"

"because no one's hurting her right now. But she has some demons to face. She'll come to you-'

"when she's ready. I think you've said that only about three times. " lake said, pissed. "look, olivia, if she's not gunna let me in than you have to be there for her. Please, go talk to her."

"I cant"

"Why not?"

"She currently pretty pissed at me or hates me. I cant really tell which.

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* when Casey and lake announced that they were getting married, Olivia was worried. That lake wouldn't be able to be a good husband. Casey never told Lake what Olivia said.

** when Casey found out she was pregnant, the ultrasound showed abnormalities in the fetus's growth, and they told Casey that the child would be brain damaged. Olivia told her that she might want an abortion because Casey's and lake's jobs might interfere with them being able to take care of a disabled child. Casey said she loved the baby too much to kill it. 6 months later Maxwell Joseph Lake was born, without brain damage.

*** Chester Joseph lake… She likes to call him CJ ;)

Hope I cleared up anything confusing

Please R&R


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